I always find it fascinating when I hear a song for the first time in years and realize how much my emotional reaction has changed to it lyrics.

Last night I was in my car and the song "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty came on the radio.  It is a classic song and anyone who has seen "Good Will Hunting" would recognize it from the fight seen on the playground in the beginning of the movie.

Twenty years ago when that movie came out, I thought "Baker Street" was the anthem I wanted to have played as I walked down any road in New York City (or Hoboken, NJ). I felt then that the lyrics were everything I aspired to...

Winding your way down on Baker Street
Light in your head and dead on your feet
Well, another crazy day
You'll drink the night away
And forget about everything

At that point, at 25, life was completely different, those crazy days were every day and drinking really did help me forget about everything.  The second stanza was the way I thought about life: A means to an end.  

He's got this dream about buying some land
He's gonna give up the booze and the one-night stands
And then he'll settle down
In some quiet little town
And forget about everything

My dreams and hopes were always present, but I told myself they would have to wait for now and it was fine, because I just wanted to numb things today.  I didn't realize at the time that the wait for my dreams would be nearly two decades.

As I heard the song last night, I could not have had a different reaction.  I have been sober for over six years and as I listened to the song I got pretty emotional.  The lyrics sounded completely different now.

I heard this verse clearly:

Another year and then you'd be happy
Just one more year and then you'd be happy
But you're crying, you're crying now

Instead of admiration for the man in the song, I felt terrible sadness and empathy.  I was emotional with joy because I am not waiting anymore for the next year or even the next day to do the things I wanted to do.  And then I heard the last two lines in "Baker Street" again and saw its message of hope:

The sun is shining, it's a new morning
And you're going, you're going home