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Andrea Arlington is a Certified International Coach Federation Life Coach specializing in Relationships and Family Recovery from Addiction and Substance Use Disorder. She is the founder of Families United for Recovery, which teaches parents and family members science based, compassionate tools and strategies to become their addicted loved ones, best chance for choosing treatment and/or sustaining recovery. Andrea is a Daring Way™ Facilitator- Candidate.
Should a woman be able to wear whatever she wants? Yes and No.
Yes, but the rules have to change about how we respond when we are then complimented by the masculine energy!!!
No, not if we are unwilling to do so because, masculine energy is naturally responsive to the appearance and smell of a woman.
What we used to accept as our normal right to dress the way we want to, is now questionable because of this movement that says men are not allowed to compliment us for what they instinctively are programmed to notice in us.
There needs to be realistic conversations about how a woman dresses and what she should realistically expect in regards to the biological response of a man. Then there needs to be a conversation with men about not being over the top and coming across as being disrespectful. Today people are so sensitive and easily “triggered” with no clear rules. Couple that with layers of undefined standards which no one seems to have a grasp.
What message does clothing send?
Wearing certain items like high heels which accentuate the sway of a woman’s lower back and her buttocks and thrusts her breasts up and forward. This is like sending an invitation to a man, a natural, instinctual reaction that they are biologically triggered to have. Then who gets blamed? Most likely the men. Is that fair? No, not really!
Can a woman invite sexual advances through her attire?
As a former International Fashion Model with Elite Models I had a decade long career as a fashion and lingerie model, so in my personal experience, the answer is most definitely a resounding yes! Sexy and revealing clothing, cleavage, and slit skirts, NEVER go unnoticed by men. They are biologically programmed that way by nature or God however one sees it, in order to continue the human race.
Is it possible that a man might be unable to control himself when a woman presents herself in sexy attire?
Absolutely, but hat's not to say there are levels of control that he most definitely can choose to act upon. Having said that though, there is no way to change or eradicate over two and a half million years of evolution. Let's be realistic.
If we don’t want men to react to us then basically, we will have to become invisible. Otherwise, we will attract their attention. If we want men to stop responding and reacting to the us, then the solution is to completely neutralize our sexuality in public and at work. How fun does that sound? Not fun to me!
Are men biologically predisposed to certain sexual behaviors and if so, what does this mean for women?
Men are instinctually programmed to seek and respond to the feminine form and energy the same way that women's natural instincts are to respond to men’s strength, power, and resources.
If we don’t shame ourselves for these instinctual and natural responses toward men, then why do we shame men for theirs toward us? The answer is easy. Because men sometimes react in a way that feels overwhelming to women, in which they can be perceived as scary. Makes sense right? But, shaming either of us for our natural biology doesn't work.
We need to have a conversation. Men and women talking honestly about what each experiences in life with the other. We need to talk with men about what makes us feel uncomfortable, what scares us and the most important things we wish men would know! Men, need to talk to us about what they wish we would understand. How their sexuality is triggered, what annoys them, what feels awkward and what makes them angry about the way they’ve been attacked because of other men who have acted inappropriately.
What is the difference between sexuality and sexualization?
Sexuality is about our identity as a woman or a man, about feeling sexual. It's a healthy part of being human. Sexualization is about being an object for the pleasure of others, being on display for others. Sexuality is about who you are. Sexualization is about the way you look.”
How can women stop judging other women and themselves?
We are bombarded with photoshopped images of women in the media, many of whom have also been cosmetically enhanced. In our culture we find that women are going for cosmetic enhancement, crazy diets, eating disorders as we try to keep up with the media’s exposure of what women should look like. We need to stop comparing ourselves with that which is not real and start loving our selves for the magnificent beings we are!
We as women can choose to be happy being our authentic self and seeing other women authentically being themselves, to be the way we are and to honor ourselves and others as we/they want to be, in appearance and life choices. If we judge other women for their uniqueness, where will all the individuality go? What makes us unique and special are is our heart and soul and the way we live our lives. We can choose to embrace, celebrate, accept and respect our unique and beautiful individualized selves.