Speaking Point: Marriages break up after 6 or 7 years because all the things that aren't working become even more painful. Usually the red flags that your marriage is heading for the divorce court can appear before your wedding day but are ignored because everyone is caught up in the big event and feeling that they can't back out. She may think, "I can change him. I can teach him to dress better, eat more healthy, stop drinking". This is a huge problem because it means you don't really want to marry the person you are marrying. There is also the baby clock ticking saying, "I need to get married now and he will do because I don't know if I have time to find someone else," with women getting married much older.
Speaking Point: THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER SYNDROME – Your man has put on an extra 30 pounds since he proposed to you. His hair is thinning. He doesn’t bring home flowers anymore. You have sex once a month and when you do, it's a chore rather than pleasurable. You go out to a dinner party and every other guy you speak with is more attractive and engaging. If only, you could have a relationship with someone like that.
Speaking Point: I'M NOT ENOUGH – Your partner isn't giving you the attention you want. It feels like he's taking you for granted. You are taking care of the kids, holding down a full-time job, running the house and have little time for yourself. Your man doesn't say thank you. He doesn't tell you that you look sexy or beautiful anymore. He'd rather go out with his guy friends and watch football than have a date night with you. He's coming home past midnight. You feel unattractive and resentment is brewing.
Speaking Point: EXPECTING YOUR PARTNER TO BE A MIND-READER. Bottling up your feelings and not expressing them is a fast track to disaster. The longer the breakdown in communication, the less chance there is of getting back on track. It's not fair to get angry at your partner when he is oblivious to what he's done wrong. Women in general are more sensitive than men. When a woman says to her man "What are you thinking?" and he says "Nothing". She say's "No really, what are you thinking?!" He really isn't thinking anything. Men are wired differently from women.
Speaking Point: DIFFERENT VALUES: In the beginning you wanted to be together. You were caught up in the after-effect of sex and the chemical oxytocin that is released in your body so you overlooked money, family and religion. He wants to live in Minnesota and you want to live in Los Angeles. He wants to buy a 55 inches flat screen 3D HD TV and you want to have a romantic weekend spa getaway. He doesn't like beach vacations and wants to go camping. Going to visit his family at Christmas takes weeks to get over.
Speaking Point: SEX-EXPECTATIONS - The novelty of your mate has worn off. You used to have spicy sex and passionate lovemaking. You also used to wear sexy lingerie when you were first dating. He doesn't give you attention like he used to so you've opted to wear practical and comfortable underwear and cozy pajamas at bedtime. You make a last ditch effort to sex it up and get something with some "Wow factor" from Victoria Secrets and he barely notices. This leads to looking outside the marriage for someone who will appreciate you. He may already be hooking up with a co-worker, making the excuse that he has to work late.
Speaking Point: CONVERSATION IS DEAD: You don't talk at mealtime expect for saying "Please can you pass me the salt?" However there is a running commentary in your head about how he doesn't understand you and that you feel alone but you don't say what you are feeling. You rationalize that there's no point speaking up.
Speaking Point: FANTASY OBSESSION: You admire and respect someone you don't know well. You imagine getting swept up in a passionate romance that would make you feel alive and fulfilled. It could be your best friend's new boyfriend, gym instructor, cute guy who chats you up in the grocery store and asks for your number even though you've told him you are married.